"En... I'm Sorry..."
"En... I'm Sorry..."
Suddenly a mixture feeling of heartache + fear came into me... Heartache cos i know exactly how she feels now... Fear cos at that time when he walked out of my life nobody is beside me. I've been through that all by myself... Nobody to talk to, nobody to help me... Totally alone... no friends, no family.. nothing... No family to help me cos nobody in the family approved us but i fought fiercely cos i really loved him lots i dun want to lose him. He stood by my side n we fought for our happiness hand in hand despite ppl's disapproval. Friends didn't say much but could see from their expression n behaviour they too dun like the idea of me with him. So i could never bring him back home or to friends gatherings... I make him sound like a prisoner juz came out from the prison right? hahahhahaa.... no lah...
He is a Malaysian. His parents sent him to England to study then he came to Singapore to work. He is juz a weirdo that nobody likes cos he hardly wants to talk to people n he is very denfensive n sensitive to everything. Why is he like that? His past moulded him into his weirdo character. But i know he did that juz to protect himself... he should be a fun-loving, chippy chap but becos of the things he been through he shuts himself up n wat's important is to earn as much money as possible. To people he is a weird, stingy, unfriendly, bad-tempered weirdo... Somehow feel his pain, feel his loneliness.. thats why i always give him my support my care... But he was able to open up to me... He talks alot to me, told me all his past n things... He said he love talking to me... Well we get along well thats why we were together... We felt so comfortable...
But its really tough to be together... i used to work 6 full days so we hardly had time together. Even though we worked in the same company but we hardly can see or talk to each other. There was time when i had to work late he would stay back to accompany me. After work we'll go out for dinner then sent me back home. We hardly had time to be together so we always treasure the time we had... But mum knew that we always went out after work so she always called to force me go home if i'm late she'll get very angry with me... Dad dun talk to me... Sis dun understand.. I dun talk to my friends about us... I've nobody... But still we want to be together... But its really difficult n tiring... Things went on until my nightmare came... Finally he can't carry on anymore... My world collasped.. He said we were going nowhere.. he wanted to concentrate to earn more money so he can go back England again. He resigned from his job he left me alone... All by myself... Everyday i had to go back office sat in front of the computer tears rolling non-stop. Nobody in the company knew about our relationship n didn't tell them about us... I stopped seeing my friends... Family dun stand by my side they thought i deserved it cos from the start they warned me... Darkness was all around me... I hate waking up every morning.. I hope all was juz bad dreams... Everyday cried before i sleep, cried when i woke up... until my tears ran out of stock... hahahhahaaa!!! Haiz... that time really cry too much... but couldn't help it lah...
From that day onwards i tell myself never abandon anybody that needs me... I know how it feels to be lonely... No matter how that person treats me i'll never abandon him/her. Last night before i slept.. Sis lying beside me.. Suddenly she turned around n said "En, I'm sorry what i did in the past.. I'm wrong.." I knew thats words from bottom of her heart.. Now sis in relationship n she finally know how i felt in the past when things not going smoothly... But i always tell her i'll be by her side going through happy n sadness with her... "Jie, En En always here.." But even though things passed for some time but the fear never left me... and the fear increases each time i experienced hurt.. seeing ppl's failure in relationship... Can i trust anybody? Will i?
Suddenly a mixture feeling of heartache + fear came into me... Heartache cos i know exactly how she feels now... Fear cos at that time when he walked out of my life nobody is beside me. I've been through that all by myself... Nobody to talk to, nobody to help me... Totally alone... no friends, no family.. nothing... No family to help me cos nobody in the family approved us but i fought fiercely cos i really loved him lots i dun want to lose him. He stood by my side n we fought for our happiness hand in hand despite ppl's disapproval. Friends didn't say much but could see from their expression n behaviour they too dun like the idea of me with him. So i could never bring him back home or to friends gatherings... I make him sound like a prisoner juz came out from the prison right? hahahhahaa.... no lah...
He is a Malaysian. His parents sent him to England to study then he came to Singapore to work. He is juz a weirdo that nobody likes cos he hardly wants to talk to people n he is very denfensive n sensitive to everything. Why is he like that? His past moulded him into his weirdo character. But i know he did that juz to protect himself... he should be a fun-loving, chippy chap but becos of the things he been through he shuts himself up n wat's important is to earn as much money as possible. To people he is a weird, stingy, unfriendly, bad-tempered weirdo... Somehow feel his pain, feel his loneliness.. thats why i always give him my support my care... But he was able to open up to me... He talks alot to me, told me all his past n things... He said he love talking to me... Well we get along well thats why we were together... We felt so comfortable...
But its really tough to be together... i used to work 6 full days so we hardly had time together. Even though we worked in the same company but we hardly can see or talk to each other. There was time when i had to work late he would stay back to accompany me. After work we'll go out for dinner then sent me back home. We hardly had time to be together so we always treasure the time we had... But mum knew that we always went out after work so she always called to force me go home if i'm late she'll get very angry with me... Dad dun talk to me... Sis dun understand.. I dun talk to my friends about us... I've nobody... But still we want to be together... But its really difficult n tiring... Things went on until my nightmare came... Finally he can't carry on anymore... My world collasped.. He said we were going nowhere.. he wanted to concentrate to earn more money so he can go back England again. He resigned from his job he left me alone... All by myself... Everyday i had to go back office sat in front of the computer tears rolling non-stop. Nobody in the company knew about our relationship n didn't tell them about us... I stopped seeing my friends... Family dun stand by my side they thought i deserved it cos from the start they warned me... Darkness was all around me... I hate waking up every morning.. I hope all was juz bad dreams... Everyday cried before i sleep, cried when i woke up... until my tears ran out of stock... hahahhahaaa!!! Haiz... that time really cry too much... but couldn't help it lah...
From that day onwards i tell myself never abandon anybody that needs me... I know how it feels to be lonely... No matter how that person treats me i'll never abandon him/her. Last night before i slept.. Sis lying beside me.. Suddenly she turned around n said "En, I'm sorry what i did in the past.. I'm wrong.." I knew thats words from bottom of her heart.. Now sis in relationship n she finally know how i felt in the past when things not going smoothly... But i always tell her i'll be by her side going through happy n sadness with her... "Jie, En En always here.." But even though things passed for some time but the fear never left me... and the fear increases each time i experienced hurt.. seeing ppl's failure in relationship... Can i trust anybody? Will i?
8 Comments:
Elydia xiao mei
Be careful
Be tactful
Be alert
Be patient
There will be someone out there for you, just that he's not around you now to knock on your door.
Wish you all the best and there are always friends around who are willing to lend you their ears and shower you with love and care.
Uncle Beng
Thanks for ur advice... Ya now i've lots of friends around me... They keep me accompany and they love and care for me. Thank you and u r one of them who cares too... Thanks... :)
Anyway thats past but at times things will still bring that painful memory back. But its ok i've got over it. As for future let it comes naturally... I'm now happy n enjoy looking at handsome man man guys outside... see until bug jiu tor tor also nobody to pull my ears.... :Þ Muahahahaha!!!!
Hehehehe... i very tactful de hor... Guys dunno i bioing them... Muahahahhaaa!!! I glance i dun stare...
thats life mah... there's ups n downs... at least i dun only blog my happy moments or sad memories... i write all happy n sad in my life... i wun want to forget them.. Happy when i recap my good memories n learnt from my bad...
I am not sure if we should never abandon anyone who needs us. Sometimes we are the very things preventing them from growing and standing on their own two feet.
Trust me, I do not like to hurt others either. In fact, the feeling sucks. But I do not seek to create an illusion to anyone that the world is a perfect place.
People need to grow, and that sometimes requires us to let go or walk away, just as parents need to let go of the child to let it experience its first fall.
For all that you have went through, you might have grown more bitter, more cynical, I am sure you have grown stronger and wiser as well... and most of all, you are slowly discovering your own direction, so it is not all that bad, is it?
:) 38s wont abandon u!
Alvarny:
I agree with u that sometimes being too helpful may prevent them from growing n standing up on their own feet so i always tell them... its important to learnt through bad experience wat i can do is only accompany through lonely days n give my views decision is still theirs i'm not going to interfere that...
Yes i knew that world is not a perfect places cos lots of ugly things happened to me n i saw lots happening ard me too... Never think its perfect but juz trying to make my life better in this imperfection. Be happy... Never know when is the end of my life... It may be 40yrs? 10yrs? or even may be tomorrow.
Yes.. i felt i'm stronger than the past but i'm not sure i've found my direction or not. Seems like i've got very confused abt my future... Dunno which step to take..
Xin: Love U!!! Muacky...
Mike: Thanks!! i wun give up cos i know one day that Mr Right will come for me... I believe that... Yes time healed the pain in me but time cannot bring the bad memories away... Or maybe only when i met Mr Right things will all go away... :)
this is such a sad story... i lend you my shoulders to cry on when you need it k
Aiyo... i am late to read this post.. But after reading, i felt sad leh...
I believe u have become stronger le ba... Hehe.. now u have more friends and are enjoying your life.. right?
Most importantly is to be HAPPY! =]
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home